As the clock strikes midnight and the new year dawns, there’s a collective breath held across the world. For some, it’s filled with hope; for others, a heavy weight of expectation settles in. January, the month that asks us to begin anew, can often feel less like an open road and more like a mountain we’re expected to climb with full gear.
Imagine standing at the base of this mountain. Your backpack is bursting with resolutions – lose weight, earn more, do better, be better. Perhaps it’s not just your own goals you’re carrying. There are societal pressures, family expectations, and the loud voices of social media shouting: “This is your year to shine!” It’s no wonder many of us feel paralyzed before we’ve even started.
Psychologically, this phenomenon isn’t surprising. Humans are wired to seek improvement; it’s how we’ve survived and thrived. Yet, the pressure to achieve multiple goals simultaneously – to rewrite ourselves into a “new you” overnight – triggers anxiety rather than motivation. The brain perceives the weight of these expectations as a threat, switching us into survival mode. Instead of focusing on progress, we might procrastinate or give up entirely.
This isn’t to say goals are the enemy. As Aristotle said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” The key lies in understanding how to unpack our metaphorical backpack and lighten the load.
First, let’s talk about what’s inside that backpack. Are the goals you’ve set truly yours, or do they belong to someone else – your parents, friends, or society at large? Often, we internalize the expectations of others, confusing them with our own desires. A 2017 study published in the journal Self and Identity found that people who set goals aligned with their core values were significantly more likely to achieve them and feel fulfilled in the process. Goals that come from external pressures, on the other hand, tend to drain our energy and enthusiasm.
Next, consider the size of the goals. Are they realistic, or are they setting you up for failure? The concept of “small wins” is powerful here. Teresa Amabile, a Harvard professor, emphasizes that “progress, no matter how small, has an outsized positive impact on emotions, motivation, and perceptions.” Breaking down your goals into manageable steps creates momentum and builds confidence.
Finally, reflect on why you’re carrying these goals at all. Is the pursuit of them tied to your sense of self-worth? If so, it might be time to rethink the relationship between your achievements and your value as a person. Psychotherapist Carl Rogers reminds us, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
It’s also important to recognize the role that comparison plays in burdening us with unnecessary expectations. Social media often presents a highlight reel of others’ achievements, leaving us feeling inadequate. But as Theodore Roosevelt aptly put it, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” By focusing on our personal journey, rather than measuring it against others, we can stay grounded and content.
So, how do we step lightly into the new year? Here are a few practical tips:
- Unpack the backpack: Write down all the expectations you feel you’re carrying. Circle the ones that truly matter to you and cross out those that don’t align with your values.
- Shrink your goals: If a goal feels too big, break it into smaller, actionable steps. Celebrate each step’s completion.
- Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself when you stumble. Remember, progress isn’t linear.
- Set intentions, not resolutions: Focus on how you want to feel rather than what you want to achieve. For example, instead of resolving to lose weight, set an intention to feel healthier and stronger.
- Embrace flexibility: Life is unpredictable. Give yourself permission to adjust your goals as circumstances change.
- Seek joy in the process: Goals should add meaning and pleasure to your life, not just act as milestones. Find activities and habits that bring you genuine happiness.
As I reflect on my own experiences, I’ve often found that the goals that truly mattered were the ones that brought connection – to others and to myself. One year, instead of resolving to achieve something grand, I chose to prioritize having meaningful conversations. It seemed simple, but it transformed the way I experienced my relationships. The more I let go of rigid expectations, the more space I found for the things that made me feel alive.
Let us not forget that the journey of a new year is not about perfect execution but about embracing the ebb and flow of growth. The poet Mary Oliver asks, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” Perhaps the answer lies not in grand achievements but in the quiet moments of joy and intention that we allow ourselves to experience.
As we walk into January, remember that the new year isn’t a race or a test. It’s a chance to journey lightly, carrying only what truly matters to you. Let the weight of expectations fall away and, in their place, find a sense of freedom and joy. With every step, remember that your worth isn’t defined by accomplishments, but by the simple act of being. And with that realization, may you step into this year not with the weight of expectation, but with the lightness of hope.
By Farah Naz
|| features@algarveresident.com
Farah Naz is a UK trained psychotherapist of more than 30 years and is a hypnotherapist. She has worked with thousands of people globally for a range of issues. Farah has trained doctors, teachers and health workers on stress management. Currently, she has an online international practice and a private practice in the Algarve.
info@iamfarah.com | www.iamfarah.com
