Let me take you on a journey of my personal experience because – and I can’t emphasize enough – when you’ve met someone with ADHD, you just met one person with ADHD. It’s a neuro divergent (ND) condition that I and approximately 6.8% of the world’s population (2024) was born with. It basically means having a brain that works differently to the neuro typical (NT) person.
Several years ago, I didn’t even believe it was a thing and I struggled with simply remembering the acronym ADHD. It’s also, quite possibly, the worst name in the world.
Attention Deficit: We don’t have an attention deficit. In fact, we have as much attention as anyone, but we tend to focus, or hyper focus too much, on stuff that is exciting, intriguing and challenging for a short-term reward. (This is also due to our interest-based nervous system).
Hyperactivity: This is misleading because we are not all hyper and fidgety like children. Our brains tend to be extremely busy and overactive, resulting in bursts of energy and focus which, directed positively, can lead to amazing levels of creativity. However, on the flipside, it can lead us towards too much hyper focus that can be overwhelming and, if not addressed, lead us to eventual burnout.
Disorder: (Insert expletive here!) Most ADHDers don’t regard it as a disorder and, if treated, (through medication and/or coaching/therapy, etc.), it becomes managed ADHD which is a neuro divergence.
In a dominant neuro-typical world, we face huge challenges and negative stigma that is unhelpful and debilitating. Countless times I have heard the comment, ‘Oh, everyone is a little bit ADHD!’
No! Not everyone is a little bit ADHD – you either are or you are not. It also diminishes all of us that actually have ADHD.
It also is not a superpower. This only places gratuitous pressure to constantly perform and be amazingly ingenious and imaginative, which we can be time by time, but we don’t need the label! We also aren’t some novel neuro-spicy beings. (Although the neuro-spicy bit did put a smile on my face).
I have lost friends/significant partners, struggled with emotional dysregulation and have found the simple day-to-day executive functioning tasks hugely challenging or impossible. I’ve been called over-sensitive, under-achieving, emotionally unstable and angry.
On the cusp of getting a diagnosis, I read up on everything my search engine could come up with. I took not one questionnaire on whether it was probable I had ADHD but 20. (Just to be sure!)
Not everyone wants to get a diagnosis but, for me, I needed the validation. Prior to diagnosis, I had experienced serial losses of people, pets and my long-term relationship; I was at one of the lowest points of my life and I was grieving and burned out. In short, I needed help.
During my recovery, I came across an article about ADHD and coaching. My reaction was a little euphoric and simultaneously lit up like an incandescent lightbulb moment. With a friend’s help, we found an ADHD coaching course and I didn’t hesitant to get in contact and enrol.
The whole idea of training to become a coach and be able to support, help and guide other people with ADHD resonated deeply within.
What the course has given me has been life-changing. It has enabled me to be my authentic self and discard the long-term masking I used to pass in a neuro typical world. It has given me the reason, not the excuse, why I have struggled in certain areas of my life.
I have had the pleasure of meeting a diverse group of ND brains that are simply awe-inspiring and, during the study, it enabled me to learn so much about neuro divergence and a myriad of information to become a competent coach and help others. It has allowed inner growth to be nurtured within a safe space, boosted my confidence and general sense of self.
If you need/know someone who has ADHD and would like to know more about what I do, please do not hesitate to contact me. I will reply to every enquiry! caroleadhdcoaching@gmail.com
By Carole Dwelly
