As I reflect on All Saints’ Day, celebrated on November 1, I’m reminded of death’s universal touch – an experience that unites us all, regardless of beliefs or backgrounds.
Each of us faces the inevitable loss of loved ones, and in this shared reality, we find a profound sense of connection. For me, this day, marked in the Christian calendar, resonates as an invitation to transcend religious boundaries and honour those who have passed. It reminds us of our intertwined lives with those who came before, prompting us to reflect not only on their lives but on how they continue to live within us.
“What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” Helen Keller
In my work as a psychotherapist, I see how commemorating loved ones through rituals and special days can be a powerful way to cope with grief. Whether aligned with a particular faith or not, remembrance provides a structured space for loss to unfold. I often tell my clients,
“When we remember, we create a bridge between the living and the dead.”
This bridge lets us both honour the pain of loss and celebrate the continuity of love and memory – a process crucial for healing.
Participating in rituals – lighting candles, sharing stories, or sitting in quiet reflection – offers what we call “containment.” This containment doesn’t aim to diminish the pain but to provide a safe space to experience it. The act of remembrance becomes a vessel, holding our grief and, in turn, helping us find acceptance. It’s a pathway through which we acknowledge that grief, while painful, need not overwhelm us; rather, it can become a meaningful part of our lives.
The idea that our deceased loved ones continue to live within us is both comforting and empowering. Their presence is woven into our identity, shaping who we are in ways that persist long after they’re gone. In this way, remembrance shifts from an act of separation to one of connection, reminding us that death does not sever the bonds we have; instead, those connections evolve. It is the separation that most of us are deeply afraid of. Irvin Yalom, an existential philosopher and therapist, expresses this poignantly when he states,
“The fear of death is the mother of all fears.”
By facing this primal fear directly, we free ourselves from its hold. Remembering our loved ones on days like All Saints’ Day allows us to normalize the presence of death in our lives rather than banish it to the edges.
There’s a wisdom in the cultural variations that openly acknowledge death. In some cultures, death is honored and even celebrated as part of the cycle of life. This normalization helps us to accept death without dread. In the West, however, death often remains a taboo topic, a conversation we sidestep until it’s upon us. But opening ourselves to the reality of death doesn’t need to be grim; instead, it becomes a gateway to living with purpose and clarity. As Yalom notes,
“If you can accept that you are going to die, then you can live fully.”
Embracing mortality in this way transforms fear into a drive to live authentically. All Saints’ Day offers us more than a moment to remember the dead; it provides an opportunity to confront our fears in a communal setting. This practice of remembrance enables us to normalize death, to sit with it as an aspect of life. The dead are not relegated to memories alone; they remain active presences, woven through our thoughts, our actions, and our very sense of self. As we come together in remembrance, we’re engaging in a meaningful dialogue about both life and death – a dialogue that serves to free us from paralyzing fears.
This annual ritual allows us to see that honoring the dead is also about deepening our own understanding of life. Facing mortality, we embrace the opportunity to live with less fear and greater openness. Remembrance is not about reliving loss but about integrating it into the ongoing narrative of our lives. The deceased, after all, leave us with more than memories; they leave a legacy of love, wisdom, and even lessons learned from mistakes. In our remembrance, we keep these lessons alive, a continuous exchange between past and present that enriches us.
In this way, All Saints’ Day is more than a tribute to the departed; it is a practice of continuity that honors the ongoing influence of those we loved. Engaging in these rituals encourages us to understand our place within a larger human experience, where life and death coexist. While we may not have our loved ones physically with us, their imprint is indelible, shaping us in ways that are lasting and profound.
“The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.” Marcus Tullius Cicero
So, on this All Saints’ Day, may we find comfort and strength in this act of remembrance. It’s a powerful reminder of the importance of honoring those we have lost—not only to preserve their memories but to deepen our understanding of life. In facing death with acceptance, we cultivate the courage to live more fully and authentically. Through remembrance, we find that while our loved ones may no longer walk beside us, they remain, forever, a part of us, living on in us.
By Farah Naz
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Farah Naz is a UK trained psychotherapist of more than 30 years and is a Clinical Hypnotherapist. She has worked with thousands of people globally for a range of issues. Farah has trained doctors, teachers and health workers on stress management. Currently, she has an online international practice and a private practice in the Algarve. www.iamfarah.com email: info@iamfarah.com
