It should not bother me so late in life, but honestly speaking, I still get extremely annoyed with all the ill-mannered people out there. Especially the ones who do not turn up on time for a dinner invite, or make last-minute cancellations or, worst of all, who forget the simple etiquette of thanking the hosts for the effort they have made by, well, hosting them.
Of course, being polite means saying ‘please’, ‘sorry’ and ‘thank you’ at the appropriate moments, as well as assisting the elderly and the disabled, whenever one can. These essentials are taught to all of us during our childhood and we solemnly observe them for the rest of our lives. However, the problem arises when we become complacent and start taking friendships, and family relationships, for granted.
In this day and age – where everyone is caught up in a mad rush – if anybody goes out of their way to do something for you, they must be thanked. Either via a telephone call, WhatsApp communication, SMS message or an email, the choice is varied, but a note of appreciation should be sent.
Being a good host or hostess takes immense planning in order to make sure everybody is comfortable and having a good time. So, if one has been a guest in someone’s home, a thank you missive is the best way to show one’s gratitude.
The famous American manners expert Emily Post, who published her first book on politeness called Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home in the year 1922 (which became an instant best-seller, with updated versions continuing to be popular for decades), stated: “As soon as you get home after visiting someone for an overnight stay, attending a celebration, or a dinner party, proper etiquette dictates sending a thank you note. It doesn’t have to be a long letter, but it should convey your deepest gratefulness. Hosting requires quite a bit of time and effort, so this gives you a chance to acknowledge that.”
But writing these notes has now become a forgotten exercise, so, what should one put in it? Well, one can start by saying thanks for being invited – and then express something specific, such as, what one liked about a particular dish (at a dinner or lunch) or a special activity (if one has stayed over for a week) by adding a personal observation and, finally, offer to reciprocate. The point eventually is to convey one’s sincere thankfulness, that’s all.
Over the years, I invited many friends and family members to our home. Within the lot, a few sent beautiful heartfelt messages of appreciation after they left, whereas the rest simply went back and there was complete silence from their end after that. Sadly, those that were related to me by blood or marriage were the most thankless, silent types.
“Relatives should avoid each other at a party, as they can enjoy one another’s society in private, and it is the constantly changing conversation, and complete sociability that makes a party pleasant”, I read aloud recently, from a book called The Gentlemen’s Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness by Cecil B Hartley.
My husband and I were about to host a party.
“Did you check the guest list?” I asked.
“No family is invited I noticed”, my spouse said.
“For the time being”, I was evasive.
“Are you avoiding them?’ he asked.
“Till they learn some manners, yes”, I nodded.
By Nickunj Malik
|| features@portugalresident.com
Nickunj Malik’s journalistic career began when she walked into the office of Khaleej Times newspaper in Dubai thirty-one years ago and got the job. Since then, her articles have appeared in various newspapers all over the world. She now resides in Portugal and is married to a banker who loves numbers more than words.
