Oxytocin is a naturally recurring hormone that also functions as a neurotransmitter. It’s called the “love and cuddles” drug because it drives your attachment behaviours and relationships, especially your intimate relationships.
It creates a feeling of cooperation, happiness, attachment and romance. It makes you fall in love and stay in love; feel sexy, attractive, loving and primes you to procreate. It controls the birthing process and plays a major role in bonding and raising children.
Oxytocin is the love and harmony drug that turns your heart to mush when you see your loved ones… or someone you’re attracted to. Its mission is the survival of our species. Our lives would not only be miserable without oxytocin, they would not exist.
Produced by the hypothalamus, oxytocin is stored and released into the bloodstream by the pituitary gland. In the bloodstream, it gets directed to other parts of the brain and spinal cord, depending on the reason for its release.
The good news is, oxytocin is one of a few hormones that has a positive feedback loop; meaning, the release of oxytocin leads to the activation of more release of oxytocin. So, as long as you keep doing activities that activate oxytocin, you’ll have a good supply of it.
Oxytocin drives your need for attachment and manages your social behaviours. It helps you create, manage and maintain your most important and intimate relationships.
As a neurotransmitter, under certain conditions, it controls your emotional responses, including empathy, trust, positive memories, gazing, how you process verbal and non-verbal sexual and bonding cues, and how you process positive communication.
When you are calm and perceptive, oxytocin influences your perception and helps you identify friendly or hostile faces and expressions. It helps you build relationships by creating trust with others and being generous towards them. The more you engage in these feel-good behaviours, the more levels will increase creating an oxytocin high.
When oxytocin gets together with its buddies, serotonin and dopamine,
hold on to your hat. These three hormones like to party.
Dopamine, the “take risks for rewards” hormone, will take all risks, even if the reward is not worth it. Serotonin, that gives you a confidence boost and enhances your self-esteem, will indulge in the risk; and of course, oxytocin, the director of all your “love and harmony” emotional responses, sexual and bonding cues, will make you feel attractive, sexy and motivate you to “connect”.
These three hormones together can create the most wonderful and best moments of your life, or the most irresponsible, damaging moments that cause devastating consequences; for you and the people close to you. They’re not called “feel-good” for nothing. It all comes down to behaviour, intelligence, loyalty, commitment and integrity.
So, if you’re free and looking for love, this perfect combination creating butterflies and warm fuzzy feelings, oxytocin will win. You will get what you’re looking for and it could be the beginning of something beautiful. However, if you’re not free and should not be looking for love, the butterflies and warm fuzzy feelings will get you and your intimate relationships into a whole load of trouble; and could be the beginning of months or years of pain. So, forget about your hat, hold on to your shoes and everything else you’re wearing, and think before you act.
The downside to oxytocin is when we feel disconnected from our friends, family and community. These feelings and emotions cause a release of oxytocin that prompts us to go looking for interactions with others, and this may not be the right thing to do. Remember, oxytocin is a tool in your biological toolbox. Only you decide how to use all your tools. So, only you can get yourself into or out of trouble. It all comes down to good or bad behaviour.
Oxytocin controls the male and female reproductive systems, including an excellent blood flow to all systems involved in the pleasure of sexual desire, sexual arousal, bonding, loving, erection and orgasm. However, a deficiency in levels will affect all these areas. A pleasurable and happy sex-life is a sign oxytocin levels are good. No pleasure during sex? Not interested in sex? This may disrupt not only your sex-life but your whole relationship. An appointment with an endocrinologist may be a good idea because oxytocin is essential for forming monogamous, intimate relationships.
Oxytocin has many duties on many levels of your mind and body. When you’re in physical pain, levels increase to prevent your nervous system from shutting down. It also lowers cortisol levels, reducing stress responses, and helps to calm you down; by lowering anxiety and positively influencing your emotions. This is exactly what you need when you’re in stress response and pain.
Try to remember this the next time you feel overwhelmed. You have all the built-in biological and psychological tools you need to keep your body and mind healthy, while you work out how to cope with your stressors.
While oxytocin has a positive feedback loop, on very rare occasions levels may be low. When this happens, the “love and cuddles” disappear and you will be less inclined to want attachments, intimate relationships or to raise children. You may become less cooperative, reject social interactions, unhappy and have no desire for love and romance. Aggression will become an issue and you’ll have trouble keeping anger under control.
Levels of oxytocin can be boosted with exercise, touch and listening to music. Working out in a gym, running and cycling alone, or in groups. Singing and singing in groups; dancing, yoga, tai chi, anything that includes music, exercise and groups are excellent oxytocin boosters. Anything that focuses on bonding; having a pet, hugging and exercising your pet. Hugging people you love, the touch of a massage, cuddling and making love will also do the trick of increasing levels of belonging, harmony and love.
Boosting levels of oxytocin is not difficult, all you have to do is make an effort.
By Joan Maycock
Joan Maycock MSc Health Psychologist specialised in stress and burnout education, designing, setting up and presenting Stress and Burnout Educational Retreats, Workshops and 1 on 1 sessions for private and corporate groups in Ireland and Portugal.
Tel: 00 351 915 793 592 | Email: eirinnretreats@gmail.com
