By: SUZY TURNER
ONCE UPON a time, children would spend hours playing outdoors in the mud, having fun in the fresh air, with nothing less than an old tyre and a piece of rope or a few logs and perhaps some wheels taken from an ancient pram, to play with. They wouldn’t dream of raising their voices to parents and they would eat what they were given, whether they liked it or not. If they were lucky enough to be taken out for dinner, they would sit peacefully and quietly alongside the rest of their family – speaking only when spoken to.
Alas, how times have changed. Today’s children are far more likely to retreat to the comfort of their own bedrooms where they can bide the time with all manner of technological games and gadgets. The majority have their own television sets, DVD players, computers, games consoles and goodness knows what else. They wouldn’t think twice to shout back at angry parents and their diets are often far unhealthier than parents would like to admit.
Tantrums
The likes of the BBC’s ‘Honey, We’re Killing The Kids’ highlights some extreme cases, although it really does seem to be the kids that are ruling the roost in today’s society.
Recently, on a shopping trip to a local supermarket, I could hear a toddler having a screaming hissy fit. His mother continued to shop while the child proceeded to shout the roof down. Eventually, she picked him up with his arms flailing about, hitting and kicking her. What can we, as parents, do when our children throw tantrums?
Experts advise us to ignore the screaming child, just as this mother did. Although in public it is best to take the child away from disapproving and prying eyes – ideally to the car, then simply sit with your child and wait until the screaming subsides. When it does, speak to them about this bad behaviour.
Do not punish or reward them while in the throes of the tantrum or they will quickly learn how to manipulate you. Above all, stay calm. If you can’t get away (if you’re in a queue or on a plane), there is no choice but to sit it out and ignore them. They will soon calm down. People around you will undoubtedly glare and make snide comments, but you’ll have to ignore them too and grit your teeth.
When things have calmed down, explain that such behaviour is inappropriate. Tell them that the tantrum is bad, not them. It will take quite a few of these talks before they will understand that they should not react like this. Until then, all you can do is be patient. Fortunately, this behaviour will start to fade as the child gets older, when they can use words to describe how they are feeling.
Television & time
These days, the television is replacing activities that parents would rather their child was doing, such as outdoor sports, reading, playing healthily with friends and doing chores. Many children spend hours on end with their eyes glued to the box. This excessive habit can lead to all kinds of problems including obesity, sleep problems and behavioural difficulties.
The best way to deal with children and the TV is to make specific rules about when they can and cannot watch it – for example, not during meal times. It should also be limited to one or two hours per day, and perhaps three hours during the weekend. Other rules they should abide by is to not allow TV if children are not doing well at school and that they must finish homework/chores first.
Encourage your children to put their time to better use. Read to your youngsters or let them play with dough, puzzles, crayons, and so on. Older children should be encouraged to play sports, active hobbies, games and music or reading, for example.
Today, parents who spend little quality time with their offspring are putting their children at risk. We should re-prioritise our lives to put our families first. Why not get the whole family together and play a board game? The key is to make the family stronger. You should also take at least five minutes a day to talk to your children individually – and talk about his interests, not yours.
Some ways of encouraging healthy family life, are:
• Always have breakfast together;
• Spend leisure time together;
• Play games;
• Help with homework;
• Do household jobs together;
• Put the children to bed;
• Plan family events together.
Spending time with your children can be one of the most fun things to do. Your children want you to enjoy being with them as much as they enjoy being with you.
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