Yup, you guessed it – this is my much-anticipated, annual New Year’s resolution column. I must admit that it helps to be optimistic when resolving to do better, and yours truly isn’t that positive when anticipating 2025. In fact, good ol’Pat is pretty darn pessimistic. I haven’t noticed things getting better ever since we all experienced the global downer known as Covid 19.
“What things?” you might ask. I’m talking about most things – the weather; politics, you name the country; traffic, the A22 is no longer a toll road (how’s that going to work out?); my health and the wellbeing of my friends, most of whom are experiencing serious complications; cost of living; NETFLIX; social media, especially Facebook … you name it. Not better. It seems we have no choice. We have to attempt to resolve with improvement, but the ever-growing population doesn’t seem to be headed in what we used to call “the right direction”.
Then there’s our favorite French astrologer and seer from the 1500s who has relatively specific warnings about 2025. Michel de Nostredame, aka Nostradamus, hasn’t gotten everything right, but he’s not always that far off either. For example, his predictions for 2024 included a new pope (close), war with China (not totally farfetched), King Charles’ abdication (not that far off) and apocalyptic events ending the world due to climate change (we’re clearly on our way). He also made the ongoing suggestion that “The dry Earth will become more parched and there will be great floods”.
So, what does he predict for this coming year? For 2025, his writings warn of “cruel wars” erupting across Europe (ongoing counts), with the United Kingdom suffering immensely (some still think BREXIT was a good idea). He also mentions a “deadly pestilence from the past” re-emerging, potentially indicating a resurgence of ancient diseases. Well, I hope he’s dead wrong with the last one because we’re not ready to put our masks back on and nobody will be able to stand another lockdown.
While I’m not sure that the reappearance of oarfish, which are also called Doomsday Fish because they’re sometimes considered harbingers of bad news, should be of much concern, I do think a couple of situations are worth considering.
Did you know that there have been significant shifts in the earth’s magnetic field and that the spinning earth has shifted a bit more than 3 inches on its axis? I wonder if it is kinda like sitting in somebody’s living room and noticing that all the pictures on the walls are slightly crooked. There’s nothing you can do about it, but it does make you uncomfortable in a disorientated way.
Could a slight lack in equilibrium make people feel a bit out of whack, more irritable, more likely to fly into a surge of road rage or send off a snippy tweet? I’m not sure, but I’m not optimistic.
As my regular reader might recall, I sometimes mention a couple of behaviors that I might be willing to at least try changing, but mostly I enjoy making suggestions to other people in a sincere, but not always appreciated, attempt to assist them in their self-improvement.
For example, I once again intend to suggest to Patrick Stuart, our esteemed wine writer who has quite the nose, that he might, every once in a while but certainly not every issue, want to recommend to his loyal reader a vintage bottle that costs less than €10. Ol’Pat, for example, has never ventured above the €5 or €6 shelf at the supermarket, so even that would be heady reading for your favorite expat. Many wine enthusiasts are looking for a bargain, but we can’t afford a nice €23 white, no matter how “drinkable” with a hint of passion fruit and a pleasant but unaffordable finish in the mouth.
When it comes to Pat himself, there’s plenty to work on, but I don’t like to mention what I resolved to do right at the first of the year. As most of us are willing to admit, New Year’s resolutions don’t always have a very long shelf life and are sometimes already abandoned while the elf is still seated on the credenza. However, I am proud to announce that I’m still not smoking and haven’t had one puff since announcing that particularly popular resolution in these pages a year ago. It’s definite – I ain’t gonna smoke no more.
So, how am I going to stay alive in ‘25? Well, I’m nearly 80 and I certainly need to keep walking, even if because of balance problems I now find myself using a cane. An advantage of putting one’s resolutions in the paper is that they become public and others will gladly remind you, like the nice lady at my regular corner store, who would probably refuse to sell me a pack of Luckies. Please feel free to ask me how my walking is going.
So, here it goes …
Pat the expat’s suggested New Year’s Resolutions for 2025
Donald Trump – leave the people of Panama alone. What you want is the Suez Canal, which you can take as your prize for bringing peace to the Middle East; buy Greenland. With “global warming” (something you deny) heating up, it will be a great location for golf courses very soon; have your son Barron kneel during future family photos.
Melania Trump – enjoy New York City.
Elon Musk – try to find a charging station on your way outta town, but please go away.
Vladimir Putin – Visit Portugal. This will give us an opportunity to arrest you, and we will too.
American retirees – take a strong look at Costa Rica, which came out Number One in a recent poll of ideal places to retire. Portugal was a sad seventh, with rain for over 70 days a year.
Americans already living in Portugal – keep trying to learn Portuguese, even if it is impossible. The locals appreciate it if they can sense some effort on your part.
Cristiano Ronaldo – keep playing as long as you want. Don’t worry about Messi. Fans root for him because he’s so little. Everybody expects you to score.
Hikers in the Algarve – watch your step. They’re going to put up unsightly railings if you keep falling off cliffs.
Portuguese truck drivers – don’t abandon the N125 just because the A22 is now toll-free. When folks used to call the N125 “the road of death”, they didn’t really mean it.
Speeders on the A22 – forget it, those days are over.
Mayors of municipalities along the Algarve – have you ever considered making plans for parking – you know, like if somebody ever considers driving to your city.
Oyster farmers along the Ria Formosa – keep on shucking…
Women of the world – try to stay optimistic. 2025 can’t be as bad as the last few years, or can it?
Men of the world – stop whining. Instead, step up and do the right thing. Interesting note: When women gained the right to vote, both in Great Briton and the United States, it was the result of an all-male vote.
British male bathers – never, ever wear a thong. It’s not a guy thing.
NETFLIX – try to find some “good” movies aimed at an audience above 12 years old. Action can be fun but not all the time.
Carl Munson – some of you may know him as a columnist for the leading English-language newspaper in the Algarve, relatively new to the area, who is trying to promote a podcast. I would like to suggest that he resolves to interview some of the other columnists in the paper for which he writes. First and foremost, he should interview Skip Bandele, an actual long-time expert on the expat lifestyle in Portugal, who writes with a sense of humor. I also think speaking to Peter Booker would be helpful because knowing the history of the place where you live can be instructive. I also look forward to Jay Costa Owen, who is an excellent example of using third person to positive effect. There are many more; Isobel Costa, Paul Rees, Alastair Leithhead, Derek Hughes, and more who have something worthy to contribute about the expatriate experience. Of course, good ol’Pat, who is not interested in promoting himself but might have something to say …
Readers of this column – as always, your pal Pat hopes that his loyal reader has been able to encourage others to give my column a glance. If so, here’s what I would appreciate, if you could. Occasionally, not all the time, stay in touch; let me know what’s going on and make suggestions for topics. I’m not actually out of story ideas (not quite yet anyway), but I would really enjoy hearing what you think. Please send your ideas, comments, suggestions, enquiries and statements to goodoldpatinportugal@gmail.com
…and good luck staying alive in ‘25.
By Pat the Expat
|| features@algarveresident.com
Previously, Pat lived for 12 years in Panama, a country that used to be rated above Portugal as a top retirement destination (but not anymore) where he also wrote a column for a tourist publication. Now for the past nine years, his lovely wife and he have resided in the Faro district of Portugal. Comments and suggestions are welcome at goodoldpatinportugal@gmail.com
