By JUNE LOVER features@algarveresident.com
After 35 years in the TV and film industry, June Lover retired to the Algarve in 2006. Having owned a holiday property here for 12 years she now lives in the hills above Almancil.
One of the reasons it’s taking me so long to progress with my Portuguese is that I don’t get enough practice. And who’s fault is that, you might ask? Well, it’s not always mine.
I needed to buy some contact lens solution and deliberately chose an óptica I’d never been to before in an area I felt sure would be totally Portuguese-speaking.
As always, I rehearsed my lines and approached the shop with confidence.
The automatic door slid open, but before I had chance to open my mouth, a smartly dressed assistant said “Good morning, madam. How may I help you?”
On the shelf behind him was the very product I was looking for, so I indicated it and mumbled “a bottle of that, please.”
“Anything else, madam?” he said. I could have replied “Não obrigada. É tudo”, but instead I stuck to “No thank you.”
He consulted the price list that was displayed on the counter and pointed to the appropriate item. “That will be treze euros, thirteen euros” he emphasised for my benefit.
Eu sei!, I wanted to shout, eu falo português! But I didn’t. I just paid him, thanked him and left with my purchase.
I could so easily have conducted this transaction in Portuguese, so why didn’t I? Because it would have been impolite given that he spoke first in my language, presumably on the basis that he thought I wouldn’t be able to speak his.
This happens all the time, and while it makes life simpler, it does nothing to improve my Portuguese-speak.
Another of my reasons (or should I say excuses?) is that I still get very confused with the variety of past tenses at my disposal, especially when it comes to irregular verbs which, to my utter bemusement, are the most commonly used.
To be (ser and estar), to go (ir) and to have (ter) are classic examples. So in the end I take the easy option and just shut up and say now’t.
I was bemoaning this fact to my long-suffering husband the other day – actually, whingeing would be a more accurate description – and he came up with a suggestion.
It just so happens that I am married to one of the most intelligent men in the universe. I know this for a fact because, like all intelligent men, he doesn’t know how to operate the washing machine or the dishwasher.
He doesn’t even know where they are. That’s clever! So I asked him to expand his brainwave.
“Why not use the present historic?” he said. Eh? What’s that when it’s at home?
Has my beloved spouse not cottoned on to the fact that with 19 commonly used tenses to choose from, the last thing I want is another? But then I remembered that he is one of the most intelligent men on the planet so listened carefully to his explanation.
Present historic, also known as historical present (which from now on I will always think of as hysterical present) is the use of a verb phrase in the present tense to refer to an event which took place in the past.
My previous attempts to shortcut the language have failed so far, so I viewed this idea with some scepticism. However, I owed it to Sir to give it some thought.
“I’m driving down the A22 when all of a sudden I get a puncture. What do I do? I panic!” Mmmm… Maybe he’s right.
It’s often used when telling a joke. “A horse walks into a pub and the bartender says, ‘Hey, why the long face?’”
Whilst this is amazingly unfunny, it demonstrates the use of the hysterical present. I’m beginning to like the idea (another example but not intended).
I think it’s safe to say that most of us, when speaking in our native tongue, don’t give a second thought to the tense we are using. Why should we?
We just talk. It’s only when we try to speak in another language that we have to give this matter some consideration. But of course, this doesn’t just apply to idle Brits like me, it applies to everyone.
And it isn’t until you listen carefully to the Portuguese speaking English that you realise that they too have a problem with the past tense. Our past tense.
So what do they do? They ignore it. Ladies and Gentlemen! Please show a warm welcome to the hysterical present!
One of my friends, Maria Leonor, whose English is on a par with my Portuguese, will say to me “Yesterday my brother come from Portalegre to stay in my house for one week.”
What’s wrong with that? Absolutely nothing. Strictly speaking this is not a perfect example of the present historic, but it demonstrates that you don’t have to get all tongue-twisted and fumble for the correct version of the past tense when the present tense will do perfectly well.
Obviously it helps if you know your ‘yesterday’ (ontem) and ‘last week’ (semana passada), which fortunately trip off my tongue without any problem whatsoever, because by prefacing your sentence with these you’re making it plainly obvious that you’re referring to something which happened in the past.
It could be said that I’m easily pleased. In this instance I’m over the moon. Not because I’m lazy (although that could have something to do with it), but because my confidence has been boosted to such a level that I now feel more able to communicate in Portuguese without getting into such a tizz.
During one of my rare get-togethers with Guida, my professora of last year, I mentioned that I’d reverted to the present tense for ease.
She was horrified, naturally, having spent countless hours drilling a number of different tenses into my numbskull. In many ways I feel that I’ve let her down, but in others I hope she is proud that I haven’t given up, even if it means cheating occasionally.
As for Sir? Well, didn’t he come up trumps? What he lacks in knowledge about domestic appliances is compensated a hundredfold by his rescue tense.
Hysterical? Não há nenhum tempo como o presente.
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