This has taken various forms. For instance, I have a 1800s piano with most of the keys no longer working so, for years, it has been nothing more than a lovely piece of furniture. I have always wanted to play the piano but, despite lessons as a child and again in my thirties, I never mastered music timing.
Desperate for a project one day (yes, another one), I opened up the piano and studied the inside. I discovered that some of the bridle straps and hammers were broken. My apologies to any professional piano restorers reading this in utter horror, but I thought, “I can mend this. How hard can it be?”
Naively, I first tried making my own replacement straps out of blue ribbon. It sort of worked and kept me entertained for hours. Then, rather excitedly, I discovered that I could order all the parts online. Soon, I had new straps, cushioning felts, springs and some hammers, and I diligently began replacing them.
It mostly worked and many of the notes began to sound again, not brilliantly, but they worked. Then, as so often happens with my projects, I realised that to do a proper restoration job, I really should dismantle the entire piano to clean or replace most of the parts: hammers, screws, wires, etc. and, at that point, I lost interest.
I am not fond of long, time-consuming projects because I like the finished product rather more than the process. In the end, I bought myself a keyboard instead! But I will one day go back to it. The point of my story is simply that I tried. I believed I could do it and had a go.
Last year, I did finish and publish a book on Amazon. Mission accomplished and a tick on the bucket list! Yet, I have not promoted it since then and I should. Then, recently, I decided to write a song despite knowing very little about music. I wrote the lyrics, the chords and even the melody. I am rather proud of myself and I love playing it on my keyboard.
My desk is a reflection of this mind set. There are art materials for impromptu drawing (I am not very good), a French course CD in the player to improve my language skills, my keyboard beside the desk and, of course, my computer and notebooks for the many articles and books I am working on. I will not even begin to describe the spare bedroom full of art and craft materials, or the furniture waiting for restoration projects.
My point is that we can often do far more than we think, if we put our minds to it. Yes, it may be difficult, but the pleasure of achievement can be enormous. There are certainly some DIY tasks and car mechanics I cannot do, but I could probably learn some basics. In fact, years ago, I helped to restore my old Morris Minor Traveller and I have often done simple plumbing jobs in the house.
I brought my children up believing that they could be anyone they wanted and do anything they put their minds to. Giving young people that belief can empower them and give them the confidence to try new things without being hindered by fear. There will be failures, but if they had the courage to try, they should still feel proud of themselves because if you try and fail, you can always try again. The likelihood of success increases with practice and perseverance. Suddenly, your brain ‘clicks’ and you can do it!
Psychologically, even small achievements can be very rewarding. When we believe we can do something, we are far more likely to attempt it, and the act of trying often increases our confidence. Often the biggest obstacle is not ability but fear. Fear of failure is one of the greatest barriers to trying something new. Our brains are wired to avoid risk, and it is uncomfortable to step outside our comfort zone, yet staying inside can also limit growth.
Furthermore, avoiding something frightening often strengthens the fear, while facing it, even gradually, can reduce it. Many people worry about being judged if they fail, seeing it as a reflection on their intelligence or ability, whereas, in reality, failure is simply part of the learning process.
For example, I would love to learn to shuffle dance and could easily go to line dancing classes with my sister. The irony is that both my parents were professional dancers, yet I cannot dance at all. The truth is that embarrassment holds me back. Perhaps one day I will be brave enough.
When my son ran a marathon last year, I thought, ‘I could do that!’ I got ready, ran up the road and decided I did not like it as it was too jarring on my bones. But I did try it out!
Never assume you are too old or not “the type of person” to try something new. Over the last year, I have experimented with different crafts simply to see whether I liked them. I failed at some and succeeded at others, but I enjoyed the challenges I set myself.
Did you know that often a person’s greatest obstacle is the belief that they cannot do something? Psychologists call these ‘self-limiting beliefs’, and challenging them can open the door to change. When I say, “you can do anything if you try”, it does not mean you will necessarily become brilliant at it, but it means that trying provides new possibilities, and we all need new possibilities in our lives.
I know the things I am doing are home based, but, with the better weather coming, I am going to try new outdoor pursuits. I will not do a bungee jump or zip line across the Guadiana River into Spain, much as I would like to try, for I really am too scared for that, but I am thinking of joining aqua classes and to start going out socially to new places, to meet new people. So take that first step. Start something new, join a club, attend an event, or teach yourself a new skill.
I may never learn to dance, run a marathon or fully restore my piano, but at least I am proud of my willingness to try.
So now you know!
Read Isobel Costas’s last article: Did you know….Royal nicknames
